Rodney Dangerfield on Fatherhood

The king of one-liners discusses his ideas on raising a family.

“I tell ya, when I was a kid I got no respect. My parents got divorced. They had a custody fight over me. No one showed up.”

“When I was a kid, we were poor. We used to sleep 6 in one bed. I didn’t know what it was like to sleep alone until I got married.”

“I tell my doctor I want to get a vasectomy. He said with a face like mine, I don’t need one.”

“My kid, he drives me nuts. For 3 years now he goes to a private school. He won’t tell me where it is.”

“I tell ya, last Christmas I got no respect. I gave my kid a BB gun. He game me a sweatshirt with a bullseye in the back.”

“I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.”

“Kids are wild today. They get pregnant from eating chicken. Yeah, it’s finger licking good, but one thing leads to another …”

“What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife.”

Respect.

 

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